My Ute's A Beaut

Introducing....

Audrey Claire....

and her cute little feet...

I'm still breathless :)

From Panic to Stupidity

I had a really busy hectic day today. Emily had been battling a fever starting on Friday (Vomit Fest) and has slowly been recovering. I took her to school yesterday to have her fake that she was sick. I ended up picking her up a half hour after I dropped her off. She was playing "pity me" sitting in the lap of one of the aides. As soon as we walked out of the door of the classroom she was full of ginger and ready to take on the world. Today I dropped her off and told the teacher that she's fine. The teacher said they would work through any homesick tears. An hour before school was out I got a call from Ems teacher. Apparently Emily had broken out in a rash and had a barking cough.

I picked Emily up from school. Fed her lunch. Made an appointment to see the doctor in the afternoon and got her down for a nap. I tried to catnap but couldn't get myself to fall asleep. Emily woke up. We went to the doctor to have the doc tell us that nothing was contagious and just treat cough with cough medicine and rash with cream. From the doc's office I took Emily to therapy and after therapy we went to the store to pick up food for dinner. By the time I got home I was ready for my nightly puke session (I only puke once a day in the evening, mostly brought on by exhaustion and an overabundance of post nasal drip).

Jeremy unloaded groceries and Emily while I began my ritual in the bathroom. As I was in the middle of gagging I felt a gush of fluid come out of me. I thought, "OH MY GOD, my water just broke." I ran out of the bathroom and paged the doctor on call. He called back quickly and our conversation went something like this:

Me: I'm 15 weeks along and while vomiting I felt a
gush of liquid come from I believe my vagina.

Doc: You really wouldn't have enough amniotic fluid
at 15 weeks to actually have "water breaking".

Me: Oh, ok. Then what would the liquid have been?

Doc: Most likely urine.

So I emergency paged the doctor on call to have him tell me that I pissed my pants!! I hope I never have to meet this doctor in person. How incredibly stupid! AAAARGH.

In my defense, I have NEVER had any problems with leakage EVER. NOT even after having Emily. This is a first for me.

Disturbing Dreams

As of Friday I'm 15 weeks pregnant. I've had dreams every night since early in this pregnancy but last night I had a very disturbing dream. Usually my dreams have been kind of odd and some of the situations have even been funny. I really don't want to describe the dream I had last night out here in the open. I'm hoping this doesn't happen again.

Hello Baby

There's Little Bean. I was so darn excited to see this baby wiggling around that I forgot to ask what the heartrate was or what that little circle is next to the bottom of the torso. The doctor was happy with what he saw I just lost my brain at that point. I have graduated from the RE's office and will be making an appointment with my new OB tomorrow. We did a lot of hugging before I left. I'm gonna miss everyone at the RE's office. Oh, I get to skip an injection every other day, woohoo!!

So Sorry

I've been meaning to post an update but the morning sickness and fatigue have been getting in the way. On Monday I had my ultrasound and we saw our Wee Bean for the first time. Heart beat of 141. The doctor says that now we have a 95% chance of this baby sticking around. Jeremy and I were so giddy. We are finally getting more comfortable with talking about "the baby".

I've been dealing with morning sickness and it's pretty much non stop from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. I have found that Jolly Ranchers really help with the queasiness. I'm still getting progesterone shots every evening. My rear end is one big welt, but it's for a good cause!!

I'm still a bit nervous about things but so far so good. I'm seven weeks today!

A Possible New Name

I thought of a possible new name for my blog. The Puke Follies. Not very catchy but it sure does explain a lot.

Latest Blood Draw

I had another blood draw yesterday at 5 weeks, 6 days. 16 thousand (and I can't remember the rest). I got to excited to hear beyond the 16. A week ago my number was 1315. My first ultrasound will be next Monday. Hoping for a hearbeat!

Pulling out the "Buffet Pants"

Do you have a pair of "Buffet Pants". Those pants that you put on before you know you're going to eat a little more than normal? They have just a little more "give" than your other pants? I've been wearing my Buffet Pants this week. The bloat has taken over. My stomach feels just a little more full than normal. Ironically, even though I'm wearing these pants, nothing sounds good to eat right now. I've been making myself eat toast so that I can get my meds down. I'm just starting to wake up with a lump in my throat from queasiness and the other night I had my first run to the bathroom. This all makes me very happy!

Good news from the doctor yesterday. My liver counts were completely normal and I can continue the Metformin. What a great week this has been.

For The Record

I went in to the doctor's office for another blood draw this morning. I practically live there now it seems. Last night I dreamt that I was giving blood or taking shots ALL NIGHT LONG. It was horrible. Anyhow, today's draw is to determine how well my body is reacting to the Metformin. I'm a little nervous as high liver enzyme counts run in my family and I have had problems with this before. If this happens again I don't know what they will be able to do with me.

During my visit I asked the nurse if I could see Jeremy's Sperm Analysis results. Jeremy and I have been curious as to what the results were. Turns out his sperm is above average. I don't remember all the numbers but the nurse seemed impressed. I called Jeremy in the parking lot to tell him how superior he was and his reply, "Did the nurse say you're a lucky girl?" What an ego.

20 DPO

My HCG numbers today are 1315. I'm getting really excited.

The Numbers Are In

Yesterday at 17 DPO my HCG level was 308. I'm progressing well according to the nurse. I'll be going in again on Monday for another draw. I'm really nervous about getting through tomorrow. My last losses were on special days (Easter Day and our wedding anniversary). I'm hoping Mother's Day is very uneventful.

Good Sign or Bad Sign?

I still have a few pregnancy tests that I've been using every other day to check on my pregnancy. As long as the line keeps getting darker on them I'm happy. This morning I was going to use the last pregnancy test that I had because tomorrow is my third blood draw and I didn't want to be shocked with dissapointing news.

As I opened this last test and was about to use it I noticed that the testing window looked a little different that the previous tests I had used. IT WAS DEFECTIVE. There was no way that I could use it. I don't even think there was an actual test strip in the window. So, is this a good sign or a bad sign? Luckily, I still had OPK's leftover and the line was as dark as ever.

I promise not to be such a pain in the butt after tomorrow when I get my latest HCG level.

15 DPO

I'm one day past when my period should have arrived. I keep thinking that I'm feeling lower back pain and cramping, but it could just be the injections sights hurting and just general gas (so ladylike). I'm trying so hard not to worry right now, but it's just impossible.

I was recently given some very good advice from a lady who I consider to be very wise. She told me that there is no way I could prepare myself for the pain of a loss so I should just enjoy every day that I know I'm pregnant. I'm trying to begin doing that.

One of my main reasons for being so hesistant is my last two pregnancies lasted so shortly that I felt dumb thinking that I was pregnant. I don't know if that makes any sense. To me, any positive pregnancy test is the beginning of so many hopes and dreams and the answer to many, many prayers. To most people such an early loss shouldn't feel like such a loss because it "just wasn't meant to be", or "how can you mourn something that ended so quickly?" I think any loss I have makes me feel like more and more of a failure. Which is why every pain I have is making me crazy. I've been making trips to the bathrooom every 30 minutes to see if there is any more spotting. The presence of increased CM isn't helping with these fears either.

With all that said, I will begin to dream and enjoy my time now. I AM pregnant, at least for today :)

**Old habits die hard. I did run to the bathroom for another "panty check" before posting this entry. Just in case.

Second Blood Draw

I'm happy to report that the spotting that started yesterday didn't continue past a small amount of brown. Today I had my second blood draw to check my HCG levels. On Friday at 10 DPO my level was 11 and today at 13 DPO the level was 68. The nurse said this is great. I hope she's right. I go back in for another blood draw on Friday. Thanks for all the support and prayers.

My rear is already getting pretty sore from those injections, only 80 more injections to go!!

Spotting

I had the slightest amount of brown spotting this morning. Of course I'm assuming the worst. This is really hard to deal with while being out of town. I want to be home and alone. I have to put on the happy face, grin and bear it. Please keep up with those prayers.

I Didn't Think I Could Do It

I NEVER thought I would be able to give myself an injection of any sort. When the nurse at the RE's office gave me a baggy full of needles and directions on how to inject mysel with progesterone in oil I just smiled and listened to the the directions that the nurse gave me. Inside I was screaming, "HOLY COW!!!! I CAN'T DO THIS!!" I took the baggy, left the office and called Jeremy from my car. My first words to him were, "You're not going to believe what I have to do every night."

As I have mentioned before, we're out of town this weekend. Last night was the first night that I had to have an injection. Jeremy and I decided that it would be easiest for him to give me the shot. When it came time to give it to me last night he started to get squirmish and said he didn't want to hurt me. My MIL and I were telling him to just stick it in me and get it over with. We changed plans and decided to have my MIL give me the shot instead. You just haven't lived until your MIL is sticking a needle into your fat ass and injection oil into you. Quite the experience. It honestly didn't hurt at all, but today my butt is sore. I guess I should get used to it.

Afterwards, we were talking about how Jeremy will be giving me the shot when Jeremy and I both remembered that he would be out of town Tuesday night. CRAP. That meant I had to contort myself and give myself the injection. My worst nightmare. So this evening, while everyone was watching tv in the family room, I got my nerve up to give myself the shot so I knew I could get it done on Tuesday night. After counting to three a couple of times I got my nerve up and it really wasn't too bad. I'm a bit sore because I wasn't at the perfect angle but I did it.

I'm already starting to worry about this pregnancy. I guess that is normal with my history. I just can't shake my fears. All I can do is pray at this point.

Things I Have Learned

First Response Early HPT's can kiss my butt.

I'd cuddle with a Walmart Equate HPT and...

I'm TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY in love with Metformin (even though you did kick my ass, literally, when we first got to know each other).

10 DPO, POSITIVE.

I'm beyond terrified of losing this pregnancy please pray for me.

OW OW OW

Boobies are starting to HURT, very badly. This could go either way :) 14 DPO is on Tuesday. Will be out of town this weekend. Debating whether or not I should take a pregnancy test with me? That would be kind of weird being at the IL's.

Did You Know...

that First Response Early claims that you can test "as early as 5 days before your period"? Well hot damn!! Turn the OPEN sign on the Urine Circus!!!

BTW, it was negative.

A 2 Week Wait Experiment

Since I love peeing on sticks I decided to do an OPK as early HPT experiment in my 2 week wait. I've done some online research that doesn't really give a definite answer as to whether or not OPK's can be used at HPT's with all women.

So far I'm not sure what to think. On the day that I got a peak fertility reading I used an OPK to see what a positive OPK result line would look like. It was very dark, as dark as the testing line. The next day I still had a peak reading on my monitor, which is common, but the OPK was considerably lighter than the previous day. At 3 days past ovulation the test line on the OPK was very light. Yesterday, at 4 days past ovulation, the test line was suddenly much darker and very noticeable. I began to wonder if this was early pregnancy being detected, BUT today I took another OPK and there was no line at all. If a line comes back in the next 9 days I will be very puzzled. I can't wait to see what shows up tomorrow.

2 DPO

I'm in the 2 week wait. Just hanging out, trying to kill time. I usually start to get a little nutty around 8 DPO. I've never been known for my patience.

I'm So Paranoid

I've been on the Metformin for 4 days now and it seems to be doing me a lot of good with my recent ovulation. Even though it is doing wonderful things for me I have to admit that I'm a little paranoid about taking Metformin. I've never taken any type of prescription drug on a consistent basis. There are some possible major side effects with Metformin and one of the symptoms of a bad side effect is extreme drowsiness. I've been feeling very worn out and tired but I've also been fighting a cold and ended up getting up in the middle of the night to tend to Emily who has been sick also.

I'm very excited to think that this might be my wonder drug but if it kills me in the process that would be kind of counter productive. Hopefully I'll get a good night of sleep tonight and my energy returns tomorrow. My doctor will be taking a blood test at the end of the month to make sure my body isn't reacting badly to the medicine. I guess I should just take a chill pill (pun intended) :)

The Catch 22

This morning I got this...

but in about an hour Jeremy needs to use this...

Talk about bad timing. That doctor is gonna get MY goods!!

We're still going to make use of my beautiful eggy tonight. Ovulating at CD 19, a dream come true!

I Heart You Metformin

Luckily the "intestinal issues" just lasted one day. I'm on my third day of Metformin and guess what? I got a reading of "increased fertility" on my fertility monitor this morning. This is nothing short of a miracle considering I don't normally get this reading until around cycle day 30 and sometimes not at all. Like last cycle that lasted 78 days. I guess I'll take the nasty side effects if it means I'm getting closer to normal.

I'm not guaranteed to ovulate this cycle as I've had "increased fertility" reading before with no ovulation, but I think we're getting closer. If I ovulate on cycle day 20 then I will have a 34 day cycle. This was the length of my cycles when I got pregnant with Emily. If I do ovulate then I also have the added benefit of my recent HSG which has been known to increase fertility up to 3 months after having the procedure. The odds are starting to lean in my favor. We'll see...

Diarrhea Cha Cha Cha

I guess the nurse knew what she was talking about when she said I may have CERTAIN (can you guess which?) side effects when starting to take Metformin. I hope this phase passes soon.

Results

The nurse from my RE's office called today to go over the results of my glucose test. It turns out that I have an insulin resistance and I will be starting Metformin tomorrow. The nurse told me that I would probably have a lot of "stomach issues" as my body gets used to the drug. Hopefully it doesn't get too bad.

I forgot to mention in my previous entry the results of my HSG. The doctor who performed the HSG said that my tubes look completely clear.

Lean to the Left, Lean to the Right...

Today's HSG seemed to be easier than last week's SHG and I'm ever so thankful. I arrived at my appointment a little early. The waiting room for the Radiology Department was really nice. It looked like they had remodeled it recently. New furniture and artwork, there were even a few small vases with fresh cut flowers (like from one of the receptionist's gardens at home) placed throughout the room. All of these aesthetics really helped me to relax and wait for my appointment. There was a tv in the room playing the Regis and Kelly show. I was actually enjoying a chance to watch tv without any interruptions.

A nurse came out and walked me to the Radiology Room. I was given a gown to change into. Luckily it was ok for me to keep my bra and shirt on underneath. That made me feel more comfortable. After changing into my gown I was asked to lay down on the table/bed with the x-ray machine attached. When I first laid down I was really nervous because the x-ray disc (from where the rays would be coming from) was right above my head. I began thinking of my dad who had radiation treatment for a brain tumor. Thinking about him made me decide to just get through whatever had to be done.

There were two nurses in the room. One of them seemed very new to her job. She came over to ask me questions for paperwork. I could tell that she wasn't used to asking strangers such personal questions, as she seemed very uncomfortable. She first asked me how many times I've been pregnant. Then, how many miscarriages I've had? What cycle day was I on? Then her voice lowered so much I almost couldn't hear her and she asked, "Have you had any abortions?" I almost started to laugh because it reminded me of that scene from St. Elmo's Fire when that woman kept whispering about "bad" things at the dinner table. Am I dating myself by bringing up that movie? Anyhow, I answered in a whisper, "No." She seemed very relieved and kind of ran away after my answer.

After the questions the tech began moving the disc so it lay over my stomach area. The doctor came, introduced himself and explained everything. He used the speculum (I learned that word now) and began applying a lot of iodine. Then he placed the catheter and warned me that it would start to get a little uncomfortable. The cramping began pretty quickly but it never got to the same intensity as the cramping I had with the SHG. I was more uncomfortable anticipating more pain that never happened. After some breathing and some pictures the doctor asked me to roll to the right, reminding me not to roll off the table (DUH!). Then to the left. Then to the right and kind of lift my hips up. THAT was interesting. I can imagine what a picture I must have made at that point, but let's face it, there really is no more dignity left at this point now is there?

After my last hip lift I was all done. Not so bad. If I were to rate the cramping between the two procedures I would say that today was equivalent to when I was about 3 cm dilated when laboring with Emily. Last week the cramping felt like when I was 5 cm dilated. I was so sure that today would be so much worse. Guess you just can't predict things like that.

I do have to say that my sense of modesty is seriously compromised. So many people have seen my private parts this past week. I'm traumatized, really. Jeremy suggested the next time I have a doctor examining me to say, "Get out of my honey pot Pooh Bear!" I wonder what kind of reaction that will evoke?

Getting ready for the Ol' One Two

The hospital just called to pre-register me for my HSG tomorrow. The lady was really nice. She's probably pitying me and wants to tell me how bad it will be. Luckily, she's a professional and not in the habit of scaring future patients, needing expensive procedures, away. I still need to get my antibiotic from the pharmacy so that I can start taking them tonight. If that doesn't spell out I-M-P-E-N-D-I-N-G D-O-O-M then I don't know what does.

The Two (Three) Hour Glucose Test

This morning I arrived at the lab at 5:45 a.m. I was shocked to see that the waiting room was jam packed all but 2 seats were taken. My appointment was for 6:00 a.m. but I didn't get called until around 6:30 a.m. The tech took four vials of blood then gave me the glucose drink.

I was kind of thirsty, so at first it was ok, until I got brain freeze, OUCH. I had to force myself to drink the last ounce or so. I'm just not a morning eater and I wanted to be home in bed, not in a cold office drinking sugar blasted soda water. After finishing the drink I needed to wait another half hour for my next draw. No problems there.

While waiting for my third draw I started to feel really nauseous and tired. The waiting room was standing room only but a really nice guy offered me his seat. Thank goodness. By the time they did my third draw I was feeling a lot better. The last hour of waiting wasn't as bad as I anticipated. I started playing games on my cell phone and read a few articles in a magazine. I was out of there by 9:00 a.m.

We'll see what the results show. Next procedure, HSG on Tuesday. Bracing myself for more pain. My arms are looking beastie with all the blood draws I've taken this week.

Well, that was interesting

Today was the day for my SHG to be performed. Jeremy took Emily this morning and dropped her off with my mom on his way to work. The paperwork that I received from the clinic stated that I should get to the office 30 minutes before my appointment, so I did.

Let me digress for a moment with a question. If you were with your husband in a crowded waiting room and three women were standing due to lack of chairs would you suggest that your husband offer his seat to the women who were standing? I would. There were three men sitting in seats while three women stood around trying to blend into the walls, me being one of them. Maybe I'm just too old fashioned for my own good.

Anyhow, I got to the office early, but didn't really need to. Most of my time waiting was due to this error in judgement on my part. The nurse called me and led me to a room where I had to undress from my waist down and cover myself with a paper "blanket". After a short wait the doctor showed up with the nurse and we got down to business.

I should mention now that this is the first male doctor I have ever had. I thought it would be harder to get used to a male doctor doing stuff "down there" but it's been a lot easier to get used to than I thought it would be. First the doctor put that thingy in to open things up. I forget the official term for this tool of death. My prior doctor would place it in a way that would make me want to jump through the roof. Luckily this new doc has not found that sensitive area and I am so grateful.

Next, a lot of iodine was applied all over. I'm assuming around this time the catheter was inserted. This was when the doc said, "Now you'll be feeling a lit--" GOOD LAWD, OMG I-THINK-I-GOT-PREGNANT-AND-AM-HAVING-A-BABY-RIGHT-NOW-THIS-DOCTOR-IS-A-FRICKEN-MIRACLE-WORKER-AND-I'M-IN-LABOR kind of pain began. "tle cramping right about now." Well no shit Sherlock. You might want to slow down your hands and use your mouth a little quicker next time. Just a thought.

Luckily the cramping only lasted for a short time. I tried to remember that breathing technique that I never used when having Emily and it sort of worked. Although, having never really done it before, I kind of sucked at it and just resorted to saying, "This just isn't happening." over and over in my head.

The pain finally went away and the doctor announced, "We're all done and everything looks great!" YAY! My Ute made me happy today. One thing I find funny is that the doctor always shakes my hand after each prodecure. I guess that's supposed to make me feel less violated.

Utes obviously don't like to be messed with because I had some pretty bad cramping the rest of the day. That didn't stop my fat butt from going out to lunch with my husband though. I'm sure he thoroughly enjoyed my ramblings on of my "woman problems" over Brazilian BBQ.

I said SHG, not HSG

Tomorrow morning I will be going in for an SHG. Everytime I have told anyone about this procedure they correct me and tell me that I mean HSG, which I don't. This is what I will be doing tomorrow, Sonohysterography Apparently this is an ALL NEW procedure to find out what may wrong with utes like mine. Time to put on my Lab Rat Hat, they are taking me for a ride!! Heee Hawwww!!

I'm not particularly thrilled with the idea of having this done but the HSG that I'll be doing on Tuesday sounds much worse so I'll save my complaining for that later date.

Thank You

I wanted to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who has been supporting me through comments and emails. I honestly don't know how I would be coping with everything without you ladies. A lot of my fears are quelled with the knowledge that you all share with me. Your stories and comments are absolutely INVALUABLE to me. Thanks again. You all hold a very special place in my heart.

The Chicken in Me

For any of you who have undergone an HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) or an SHG (Sonohysterography) could you be very blunt and tell how much these procedures hurt? My scared and weak side needs to know. I have a fairly high tolerance for pain but faint easily in hospital settings.

Seeing the RE

Today began eventful enough with Emily starting preschool. By the time I was at the RE's office I was a bit frazzled. I ended up completing a lot of paperwork and did a bit of waiting.

I finally got to meet with Dr. P. He was really nice and had a lot of questions about me and Jeremy. After about an hour or so he wrote down a list of things that we would be covering. There is a lot for me to do in the next couple of weeks. We got down to business right away with an ultrasound. Being on CD 4 I was not exactly prepared for that wand but what can you do?

Dr. P noted that with the ultrasound he couldn't see anything abnormal with my uterus but we would be doing other tests to verify this. What he did point out was the sorry state of my ovaries. It didn't take him long to start using the letters P-C-O-S. To be honest I was in a bit of denial that I could have PCOS. Why? I'm not sure. Looking at my ovaries today, it cannot be denied. They looked terrible. I asked if they were really bad and he said, "Oh no, not at all." Maybe he was just being polite?

After the ultrasound I saw the nurse who went over all of the tests that they would like to perform. There are quite a few and I'm typing this a bit late in the evening so I'll probably just write about them as they happen. Today the nurse took a lot of blood. A LOT. I thought my arm was going to shrivel up and fall off by the time she was done.

Aside from the bloodletting, I was really happy with this first visit. The doctor was very thorough and very positive. He asked me a lot about Emily and the problems that she has had with her feet and gross motor delays. He wants to take all precautions to avoid anything that could cause this to happen with any future babies, if possible. Emily's doctors have yet to weigh in as to what may have caused her foot problems or gross motor skill delays. Dr. P kept saying, "when you get pregnant" not "if" which really started to let me think that it will happen again for Jeremy and I.

In fact, when I got home from the doctor's office I just wanted to cry. It's hard for me to let my guard down and go through all these procedures. I resent having to be poked and prodded physically and emotionally if it is a futile situation. To think that all of this will bring another baby into our lives is somewhat overwhelming. I never thought about the leap from trying to succeeding. We've been trying for so long now, the idea of the end result is hard to grasp.

Eve of the Big Day

Tomorrow is my consultation with the RE. I can't wait. As usual, I put off completing all the paperwork until tonight so I'll be busy after putting Emily to bed.

April's Fool

Last night I had considered not sharing that AF had shown up and saying that I got a positive this morning as an April Fool's joke. Honestly, I just couldn't do that. Since I've been TTC for two years now the joking about a positive pregnancy test has completely lost it's "HAHA" factor for me. If I was to actually get a positive pregnancy test my first reaction would be complete terror. Not because I'm not ready to have another child, couldn't be furthest from the truth, but because positive pregnancy tests just mean I'm pregnant. They are not a guarantee to me that I will have a beautiful child in my arms in 9 months.

For me a positive pregnancy test means that I don't dream or think of a baby to be. I can't let myself. Instead I walk on eggshells and worry about everything that I do. The last time I started to spot and miscarry I wasn't even surprised. I already had prepared myself for that fate.

So, because of these factors I can't afford to joke about pregnancy. Too bad though, because it's a great way to get your friends to shoot their beverages out of their noses when they weren't expecting the news.

Well, the Joke's On Me

The Ol' Hag is slowly arriving which means that Cycle Day 1 of this next cycle will be on April Fool's Day. I find this very ironic, sad AND quite typical of my fertility experiences. I TOLD you my boobs hurt! Now my abdomen is trying to compete with even more intensity of pain. POOP.

OK, now this is where I get all Pollyanna and explain the bright side of my period showing up. I will admit it has taken me a very long time to get to the point where I can mention any good in the existence of a period. I went through a very bitter stage and if I was still there right now I would be doing a lot of cursing and bitching. I have evolved, Praise the Lawd!

From all my data (there's lots of data to be gleaned from my monitors, to notes on my calendar, to OPK's and HPT's that never should have been used) it looks like I had one cycle in which I did not ovulated, therefore I had no period. Following that cycle I began another cycle in which I ovulated (very obvious from the abundance of cervical mucous). Of course we did the Baby Dance when I had signs of ovulating but that obviously didn't do the trick because here my period is 15 days later. That's good though, 15 days after all signs showed I ovulated my period came!! That's almost, OMG, NORMAL!

Now we just have to figure out how to keep me in the "normal" range and then also figure out how to keep any pregnancies I have. So far I have lost 3 out of 4 pregnancies.

So now I have a brand new cycle and an appointment to see the RE on Monday. Kiss my dice baybeee... I'm going for broke!

15 DPO???

I'm pretty sure I'm about 15 DPO give or take a D. So this morning I had another negative HPT and another OPK with two lines, one fainter than the other. Same symptoms. Just looking forward to that RE appointment. I need to find an ice pack for my chest. THROBBING ORBS.

14 DPO

I have two throbbing orbs in my shirt right now. My boobies are absolutely killing me. I took another HPT this morning and it was negative. I hate to admit this but I drew my good friend Carmajo into the Urine Circus. We spent a portion of our daughters' playdate peeing on OPK's. BTW, a BIG thank you to Carmajo for sharing these with me! Carmajo's OPK was beautiful. Two very distinct lines. My OPK and showed two lines (different shades) and after doing some internet research those results are still quite inconclusive. So I'm thinking AF must be on her way? If that's the case she better hurry up because I cannot take this pain much longer. Mooooo!

13 DPO

Same symptoms, but I think the post nasal is allergy related. I didn't go near any Chef Boyardee today. Just a waiting game now. I can't wait for my appointment with the RE next Monday!

12 Days Past Ovulation - It's Easter!

A year ago today was the beginning of an early miscarriage for me. I was hoping that fate was going to redeem itself by blessing me with a positive HPT. No such luck. Oh well.

I have a few things going on that I'll list as some sort of change within me...could it be pregnancy or oncoming AF? Who knows. They include, tons of post nasal drip, very sore boobies and suddenly I can't get enough Chef Boyardee to eat. What the heck is THAT about? I hate canned pasta but lately it just seems oh so good to me.

I'll be sure to keep the Urine Circus running tomorrow.

Nearing the Beginning of the End

Since I have an appointment scheduled with a Reproductive Endocrinologist on April 4th I decided to have a separate blog for all of the events to come. I realize that some people would like to avoid the mention of cervical mucous and my insanity over the whole process.

So lets begin right away with the talk of body fluid. 10 days ago I had an overabundance of cervical mucous and decided that it could be the sign of ovulation. I have strong doubts since that was on cycle day 63 and I've obviously been having various "issues" in the whole TTC process. Not to mention my Ute* is completely tahded.

The optimist in me has decided to believe that I have indeed O'd which brings me to the stress of the end of the two week wait. I will most likely run away to join the Urine Circus** some time this weekend. I've been reading way too much into the ever present post nasal drip and somewhat nauseous feelings I've had today. Most likely all brought on by the stress of Emily beginning preschool.

I'm just allowing myself to dream and waste time while waiting for my RE appointment. The appointment where I'm almost positive the doctor will declare, "All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again." Believe me, I am quite humpty and dumpty so it's just bound to happen.

* My lame ass uterus.

** The spectacle I make of myself in the bathroom with HPT's. Very humiliating.