Last night I had considered not sharing that AF had shown up and saying that I got a positive this morning as an April Fool's joke. Honestly, I just couldn't do that. Since I've been TTC for two years now the joking about a positive pregnancy test has completely lost it's "HAHA" factor for me. If I was to actually get a positive pregnancy test my first reaction would be complete terror. Not because I'm not ready to have another child, couldn't be furthest from the truth, but because positive pregnancy tests just mean I'm pregnant. They are not a guarantee to me that I will have a beautiful child in my arms in 9 months.
For me a positive pregnancy test means that I don't dream or think of a baby to be. I can't let myself. Instead I walk on eggshells and worry about everything that I do. The last time I started to spot and miscarry I wasn't even surprised. I already had prepared myself for that fate.
So, because of these factors I can't afford to joke about pregnancy. Too bad though, because it's a great way to get your friends to shoot their beverages out of their noses when they weren't expecting the news.