I'm one day past when my period should have arrived. I keep thinking that I'm feeling lower back pain and cramping, but it could just be the injections sights hurting and just general gas (so ladylike). I'm trying so hard not to worry right now, but it's just impossible.
I was recently given some very good advice from a lady who I consider to be very wise. She told me that there is no way I could prepare myself for the pain of a loss so I should just enjoy every day that I know I'm pregnant. I'm trying to begin doing that.
One of my main reasons for being so hesistant is my last two pregnancies lasted so shortly that I felt dumb thinking that I was pregnant. I don't know if that makes any sense. To me, any positive pregnancy test is the beginning of so many hopes and dreams and the answer to many, many prayers. To most people such an early loss shouldn't feel like such a loss because it "just wasn't meant to be", or "how can you mourn something that ended so quickly?" I think any loss I have makes me feel like more and more of a failure. Which is why every pain I have is making me crazy. I've been making trips to the bathrooom every 30 minutes to see if there is any more spotting. The presence of increased CM isn't helping with these fears either.
With all that said, I will begin to dream and enjoy my time now. I AM pregnant, at least for today :)
**Old habits die hard. I did run to the bathroom for another "panty check" before posting this entry. Just in case.