Jen's Space

Tired

I'm tired.  It's probably from being stressed about my dad.  I've spent the past couple of evenings at the hospital with my mom and dad.  It's a bit of a drive from my house.  I'm usually up late, but not driving around and worrying.  I haven't been sleeping very well at night. 

This morning I woke up and felt exhausted.  I had planned on staying home all day today and spending time with my girls.  It was such a challenge because I wanted to be "fun mama", but it took everything in me to do the most simple tasks.  I felt like going back to bed and sleeping the day away.  I knew that wouldn't be fair to anyone.  I don't want the girls to worry.  I don't want Jeremy to take on any more than he already has been.  While he's been taking care of the girls when I'm gone, he's also been working very hard at his job.

I'll admit, I was a bit of a crab this morning.  I just didn't feel good, mentally, emotionally, physically.  Once I got Molly and Audrey down for a nap I joined Emily and Jeremy in the pool.  Molly woke up and we had her join us.  Unfortunately, Audrey didn't wake up for pool time, but she doesn't know she missed out.  We're going to keep Emily and Audrey up to watch The Avatar movie tonight.  I just put Molly down for the night.

My mom has continued to call with updates.  We still do not know the cause of dad's internal bleeding.  He continues to receive blood.  The doctor is now mentioning the possibility of cirrhosis.  We're waiting for a CT scan of my dad's abdomen to be seen by the doctor. 

My dad asked me to bring him a picture of Molly.  He has pictures of Audrey and Emily with him, but none of Molly.  I thought he'd like the one at the top of my post.  It was taken today after an afternoon in the pool.

My heart has also been heavy thinking of a wonderful family who lost their daughter, Hannah a year ago today.  Hannah and her younger sister, Lily are very close in age to my Emily and Audrey.  I've followed their family blog all year and I've gotten to know Hannah through the writings of her mother, Rachael.  If you would like to visit Rachael's blog and leave a comment click here.

Quick Update

I spent yesterday afternoon/evening with my parents at the hospital.  My dad was in the middle of receiving a blood transfusion.  He was very anemic and could have gone into cardiac arrest.  Today they are doing a procedure to find out where he is bleeding from.  I'll know more later...

Why Audrey Will Never Be A Model

So this week I was playing around with a top design.  I had an idea in my head.  Actually, I'll be honest.  I was trying to make a sleep sack for a newborn boy but I couldn't stick with it as I came towards the end because I just wasn't feeling it.  It started to look like a little girl's top to me so I ended up with this....

This morning I was excited to see how it would look on Audrey.  I knew I had some kinks to work out in the design but I wanted to get an overall idea if I was going in the right direction.  Audrey was not happy with the idea of trying on clothes, nor was she happy with the idea of having her picture taken.  She hates the camera lately.  This is the best picture I could get...

I have to ask.  Does this top look THAT bad?  Look how unhappy she is!!  Maybe I could use it on Molly as a dress...   :P

Compassion

I took the girls to visit my parents for the day.  My dad still isn't feeling well.  We're not sure if his illness is tumor related or not.  Waiting for tests and more visits to the doctor.

Today I want to remember the moment when Emily was crying over something that frustrated her.  Audrey walked over, sat quietly on the couch next to Emily and rubbed her big sister's back until Emily stopped crying.  That is how Audrey goes about her days.  Quiet and compassionate.  She's tiny but has a big heart.

Thoughts and Prayers Needed

My dad isn't doing very well today.  He's waiting to see his doctor to find out what is going on.  We discovered that my dad had a brain tumor about 20 years ago.  It is benign but grows rapidly when not under control through medicine.  His doctors have been closely monitoring him since the brain tumor was discovered.  My mom called me this morning to tell me that my dad hasn't been feeling well and he is having symptoms that are concerning the both of them.  I'll know more later in the day.  I normally don't worry until I have a good reason to, but right now I'm scared.