Jen's Space

Stuff

Click here to see what the girls have been up to this summer.  I'm waiting patiently for the UPS truck to come with my new computer.  Once it arrives I'll actually take them away from our house to do something fun. 

Typing with a Schmoo-driver

Sooooooo, last night when Jeremy and I went to bed I had the hardest time going to sleep.  I kept thinking about all sorts of creepy things.   Like the lady in Texas who cut off her baby's arms.  The man in San Diego who kidnapped and killed his neighbor's daughter.  Andrea Yates.  All sorts of horrible things that wouldn't allow me to sleep.  I started to have a panic attack and asked Jeremy to check all the locks to the doors of the house, twice.  In an effort to avoid that anxiety this evening I decided that maybe a night cap would ward off such thoughts.  I have some cheap vodka but no orange juice.  Sadly, I had to make a screwdriver out of substandard vodka and Sunny Delight.  Salud and goodnight.

PS Remind me tomorrow to tell you about the new acquaintance in my life who keeps saying bad things about Mexicans.  UGH.  How do I tell her I'm one of the people she speaks of?

AC

I haven't talked about Audrey in a while.  I figure on a day that we had an earthquake I might as well talk about my little earth shaker.  Audrey's personality is really coming through loud and clear lately.  She is what we call around here "a little lady".  She does everything proper and has mannerisms straight from a 1940's movie.  If she gives you a hug goodbye she lifts one of her feet in the air towards her butt.  If you ask her to sit and wait, she crosses her arms lightly and taps her foot.  If she spills her drink she puts her hands to her mouth and gasps lightly, "Oh My!"  I don't know where this all comes from.  I'm hearing more and more from relatives that Audrey reminds them of my late grandmother.  I was so close to my Grandma, I'm thrilled that she's sharing some of herself with my little girl.

Audrey is doing well in speech therapy.  It's starting to get a little more intense and she's resisting a bit but I think she'll come around soon enough.  I hope at least.  She's starting to make more conversations with us.  Choosing to talk on her own instead of being prompted.  I think it helps that Emily is home more often with summer vacation.  Emily could gab your ear off and she talks to Audrey a lot.

I'd have to say that right now Audrey's favorite activity is drawing or painting.  You can click HERE to see a picture she drew the other night.

Recipes

Soooo, we decided to challenge ourselves to a month of NO eating out.  We will be doing Subway for dinner on Tuesday nights because those are Speech Therapy nights and therapy is right at dinner time.

I seem to be stumped on dishes to add to my menu.  We've tried a lot of different recipes but they have turned into a boring rotation.  Any good recipes out there that you'd like to share?  Let me know your family favorites.

Sunday, July 27th

Ending another weekend.  I'm starting to crave the structure of school days.  It feels weird for me to say that, but that's how I've been feeling.  Emily really is the only one who could complain.  Audrey and Molly don't have much of a voice about feelings.  Emily hasn't complained yet, but I feel like she's ready to hang with her friends on a daily basis.  I had planned on registering her for "Secret Agent Camp" through the city programs but she decided that she didn't want to do it. 

Anyhow, yesterday afternoon I decided to take Emily and Audrey to a movie.  I wasn't so sure what to expect.  I knew Emily would do fine but 2.5 years isn't exactly the best age for a movie.  They did great waiting for the movie to start.  Audrey enjoyed all the ads for the other FUN movies that we weren't there to see.  Then the movie started, American Girl.  *SNORE*  Emily is more into Avatar so this was a bit of a leap.  Audrey just knew there weren't any cute animals or animated characters so she started to bore quickly.  Luckily, she didn't chose to scream, she just kept getting in and out of her seat.  When Audrey decided to go "talk" to Emily I had to put my foot down.  Emily asked if we could leave because the movie was boring and I said we might as well because her sister was driving me nuts with the getting up and down business.

When Audrey realized that we were leaving for good (outside on the pavement) she cried.  Since I had just given her a Dibs ice cream piece it was a muffled cry.  I guess Audrey has her priorities.  She was upset but didn't want to lose her ice cream too!  When we got to the van she told me she wanted to see the "show ooooh".  Audrey talks that way lately.  Toys are "toy oys"  It's like living with an echo.  I explained to her that if she could sit in her seat she is more than welcome to join us on our next trip to the movies.  She seemed happy with that and settled in her seat to go home.

Jeremy ordered a new laptop for me.  My poor little mac is dying a slow death.  It's time to move on.  Since I don't want to spend extra money on functions I don't use a whole lot, I decided to go back to a laptop PC and should be getting a Spring Green Dell in the next week or so.  I'm sad to let go, but excited to get a super fast laptop that I can use as a laptop.  My Mac has to be plugged in to work at all.  Life goes on.

Speaking of living.  My dad is doing better.  He is in stage ONE of cirrhosis.  There are 4 stages.  If he really watches what he eats he could stay in stage one for up to 12 years.  Eating to stay in stage one is pretty rough.  Basically, VERY LITTLE meat, fats, salt, or sugar.  He's been eating like a rabbit but remains positive. 

Peek

I honestly have about 7 different crochet and knitting projects in the works right now.  I need to finish at least ONE of them so I need to make this quick.  I took the girls to visit my parents today (AT HOME, YAY!).  My dad is so fatigued.  It's hard for me to see him this way.  Usually he never sits, ever.  He's always doing something, usually outdoors.  To see him in the house all day and taking catnaps is a little uncomfortable for me.

He did try to keep up with the girls and took Emily and Audrey out for a little bit to ride their big wheels, but they came back fairly quickly.  I think my girls sense that something is wrong with Pap Pap because they didn't fuss when he brought them back inside. 

I've been kind of weepy lately.  I've been thinking a lot about happy childhood memories.  Missing the past, hoping that I'm doing right by my girls and they remember their childhood as being a happy time. 

Off to work on my projects....

Swim Day

Fist I wanted to thank everyone for all the kid thoughts and prayers for my father.  He is doing much better.  He is still doing follow ups with doctors.  He has confirmed cirrhosis.  It's not the worst stage and his doctors are working on a plan to treat him.

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Yesterday one of Emily's classmate's mom left a message that she was going to host a swim playdate at her house.  She said that Molly and Audrey were welcome to come on over too.  This began a dilemma for me.  I know that Molly would stay home because the playdate started at noon and that was about the time that I put Molly down for a nap.

My ambivalence centered around Audrey.  Audrey has been running pretty hot and cold lately.  Small things set her off into a torrent of tears and since she is limited in what she can say, it takes forever to find out what upsets her.  On Sunday we took the girls to the hospital to visit my dad.  Everything was fine until Audrey tripped over Jeremy's foot.  She embarrasses VERY easily.  I've never known a child so young could be so full of pride.  When I went to comfort her she kept saying over and over, "STOP IT!"  She felt that my comforting her was bringing attention to the fact that she fell down.  This one simple incident ruined her for the rest of the visit.  She didn't want anyone to acknowledge her.  It's like she was "the girl who fell down" for the entire time we were there and she didn't want to be seen.  She just wanted to "go home, go home, go home".  

Pretty much any time I plan an outing I have the option to leave 1,2 or all 3 girls home because Jeremy is home also.  Sometimes I feel like I'm less of a mom for doing this.  When I go somewhere with Emily and I see other moms with all three of her kids (granted she is quite frazzled) I think I should be good enough of a mom to do the same.  Jeremy thinks I'm nuts and I should be happy that I have the option to let one or two of the kids be the center of my attention, instead of trying to comfort their one younger one while the other waits to do something.  The women that are at these playdates are truly very nice and I enjoy seeing them and visiting with them.  Just sometimes I wonder if they think, "Must be nice, too bad she can't handle all her kids at once."

Maybe I can't?  Maybe I can?  I don't know.  I've taken all three girls with me to various things and we've had a great time.  I just know there are some outings that one would be miserable and why put them through it all.  If it's a family event, everyone goes, happy or not, HA! 

Sooooo, I tormented myself all night about whether or not I should take Audrey.  There would be kids her age there, take her!  She might freak out when Emily gets in the big pool and she can't, keep her home!  I'd be picking up Happy Meals to eat there and she would love that, take her!   She is really shy around people sometimes and cries when they look at her, keep her home!   The list goes on and on and on.  Trust me.  My mom told me a long time ago when we realized that Audrey didn't choose to talk and was very quiet, "Still waters run deep."  She could not have been more right about a child than she was with that comment.

I made a decision to settle this matter the best way I could.  I asked Emily this morning if we should take her sister to the playdate.  Emily answered, "YES!  If Audrey isn't happy I can leave.  We have a pool at home mama."  I know that Emily meant well with that statement but I also knew that once she was in that big built in pool with her friends that it would be really hard to leave.  I decided to give Emily AND Audrey the benefit of the doubt and take them both. 

I'M SO GLAD I DID.

Tired

I'm tired.  It's probably from being stressed about my dad.  I've spent the past couple of evenings at the hospital with my mom and dad.  It's a bit of a drive from my house.  I'm usually up late, but not driving around and worrying.  I haven't been sleeping very well at night. 

This morning I woke up and felt exhausted.  I had planned on staying home all day today and spending time with my girls.  It was such a challenge because I wanted to be "fun mama", but it took everything in me to do the most simple tasks.  I felt like going back to bed and sleeping the day away.  I knew that wouldn't be fair to anyone.  I don't want the girls to worry.  I don't want Jeremy to take on any more than he already has been.  While he's been taking care of the girls when I'm gone, he's also been working very hard at his job.

I'll admit, I was a bit of a crab this morning.  I just didn't feel good, mentally, emotionally, physically.  Once I got Molly and Audrey down for a nap I joined Emily and Jeremy in the pool.  Molly woke up and we had her join us.  Unfortunately, Audrey didn't wake up for pool time, but she doesn't know she missed out.  We're going to keep Emily and Audrey up to watch The Avatar movie tonight.  I just put Molly down for the night.

My mom has continued to call with updates.  We still do not know the cause of dad's internal bleeding.  He continues to receive blood.  The doctor is now mentioning the possibility of cirrhosis.  We're waiting for a CT scan of my dad's abdomen to be seen by the doctor. 

My dad asked me to bring him a picture of Molly.  He has pictures of Audrey and Emily with him, but none of Molly.  I thought he'd like the one at the top of my post.  It was taken today after an afternoon in the pool.

My heart has also been heavy thinking of a wonderful family who lost their daughter, Hannah a year ago today.  Hannah and her younger sister, Lily are very close in age to my Emily and Audrey.  I've followed their family blog all year and I've gotten to know Hannah through the writings of her mother, Rachael.  If you would like to visit Rachael's blog and leave a comment click here.

Quick Update

I spent yesterday afternoon/evening with my parents at the hospital.  My dad was in the middle of receiving a blood transfusion.  He was very anemic and could have gone into cardiac arrest.  Today they are doing a procedure to find out where he is bleeding from.  I'll know more later...

Why Audrey Will Never Be A Model

So this week I was playing around with a top design.  I had an idea in my head.  Actually, I'll be honest.  I was trying to make a sleep sack for a newborn boy but I couldn't stick with it as I came towards the end because I just wasn't feeling it.  It started to look like a little girl's top to me so I ended up with this....

This morning I was excited to see how it would look on Audrey.  I knew I had some kinks to work out in the design but I wanted to get an overall idea if I was going in the right direction.  Audrey was not happy with the idea of trying on clothes, nor was she happy with the idea of having her picture taken.  She hates the camera lately.  This is the best picture I could get...

I have to ask.  Does this top look THAT bad?  Look how unhappy she is!!  Maybe I could use it on Molly as a dress...   :P