My nephew's birthday party was a success. The girls had an incredibly good time. All three of them. I'll admit that I was kind of a sour puss prior to getting to the party. We had such a busy day on Thanksgiving, I was looking forward to some down time. I think I was having a bit of a pout throughout the day. I wasn't obnoxious or anything. Just quiet and cranky on the inside.
I need to work on my mood swings. If we're all having fun, being social, I'm happy happy. Full of smiles and enjoying the moment. When the fun is done and I have to do normal life, I spiral down. Not in a way that my family tiptoes around me and worries about my wellbeing. More of a maudlin feeling. I find myself missing things that I cannot have. Why I do this, I don't know.
Before Thanksgiving I wrote about how I want more solitary moments. On Thanksgiving Day I had reminders of a life before Jeremy. A life before my precious girls. A life before the security of the family we have all created. It was a good reminder. Not a good memory. Yes, I had fun in my singlehood. I had good friends, good experiences, made good memories. Yet, there were times that I felt so very alone. Moments of feeling unloveable. I haven't had that feeling in a very long time. Yes, life now can be stressful and loud. My life now is not lonely. I feel greatly loved. So why the need to be alone? To run from all the people that have lifted my spirits? I don't know. I think I'll need to work that out. Maybe, I feel too needed? I guess that's better than not being needed at all.
Back to the party. Turns out, my girls can party. Especially, if you can believe this, Audrey. She made tons of friends, old and young. She was with all sorts of kids she has never even met before, and tried to get another family to take her home, haha. It was funny to see my quiet little one slide between another couple of parents and act as if they were her own. I'm used to Emily being outgoing and getting into the mix, but Audrey? No way. I thought I would always have her by my side. Gone are the days of Audrey in my arms, quietly stroking my arms as I hold her close. She was dancing and twirling and having the time of her life. As she should.
Before I forget I wanted to share some pictures of my girls taken on Thanksgiving...
Today we will be going to my nephew's first birthday party. My brother and SIL have planned a very large event with entertainment for the kids. It should be lots of fun. I know that Emily is really looking forward to this. She lives for birthdays. We're pretty low key with parties for the girls so I know she'll enjoy all the party fun.
I was trying to figure out what to make my nephew for his birthday. I didn't feel like making him a hat, and I didn't have enough time to make him anything very large. I saw him today and he seemed like a little man. Look at this face...
What does a little man need? A little wallet!!
I'm going to put more than a one dollar bill in it tomorrow. Hopefully he'll like it. Or at least his parents like it.
My rain has arrived. I couldn't be happier. The weather calls for a pile of grilled cheese sandwiches and Bean with Bacon soup for the family.
I had a chance to go to the grocery store alone today. I'm finding myself craving moments to sneak away and just be. Time to think about nothing in particular. When I share these cravings with old timers they remind me how quickly time will pass. How my children's baby voices and pattering feet witll be a thing of the past before I know it. I realize this already. I think I just miss solitude. The funny thing about that yearning, is I know that if I ever gained complete solitude, I would miss everyone dear to me. Maybe I just need a day to myself. Someday....
We've almost come to an end of Audrey's Speech Therapy at home. Audrey will be attending preschool in January to continue her Speech Therapy. Unfortunately, that means the Audrey will stop seeing the therapist that she seen for a little over a year now. I'm going to miss Mrs. E so much. She truly loved working with Audrey. That means so much to me. Today Mrs. E called me to schedule Audrey's last hour of therapy around the upcoming holidays. Mrs. E didn't come to our normal Tuesday night last week because she was scheduled to begin therapy with a new client. She was telling me today that she went to the new clients house and nobody was there. Mrs. E said she was bummed because she was knocking on the door to an empty house and thinking, "I could totally be playing with Audrey right now!" That really made me laugh. I think it was that much more touching that she really meant it.
Audrey and Mrs. E have really formed quite a bond. This is kind of a big deal because there are only a handful of people in Audrey's life that Audrey has really taken a liking to. Luckily, Mrs. E has a daughter Molly's age and we can all still get together for playdates.
As for preschool, I'm trying to get used to the idea of Audrey in school. I can't quite picture it. Hopefully her and her teacher will become as close as she's become with Mrs. E.
I don't think I've ever hidden the fact that I hate what most people consider "beautiful" weather. I cringe when I watch the news and the weather forecaster is smiling and chuckling about weeks of warm sun in the future. Blah. I love dark, damp, cold. So much so that my mom has referred to me as a vampire on more than one occasion. Yesterday I was excited telling her that the weather for this whole week is taking a turn for the BETTER. It is quickly dropping in temperature and there are storms in my future. She called me Morticia Addams for the rest of the day. Maybe she's on to something. I love cold dark weather. I function on about 4 hours of sleep each night, sometimes less and I hate mirrors. I'm uncomfortable in a room with any sort of mirror in it.
I don't think I'd make a very good vampire though. I hate the smell of blood and I like my steak medium rare.
Today turned out to be an easy Mama day for me. The girls were mellow this morning, finding quiet things to do around the house. My mom called up to see if Audrey and Emily would like to spend the afternoon coloring with her. They were thrilled with the idea of an afternoon with Grandma.
I put Molly down for her nap and drove over to my parents' house to drop Audrey and Emily off. On the way back home, alone, I realized that I had free time, ALONE. I decided to check out a craft store near my parents' house. I was pleasantly surprised with their huge knitting/crocheting section. They were well stocked with yarn, needles and hooks. After making a mental note of everything I'd like to buy, or tell Jeremy I'd like for Christmas, I headed back home. I then make a stop at the bookstore near my home to see what kind of crochet and knitting books they had. There were hundreds of books to choose from. Noted mentally also.
I finally made it home. Once I walked into the house Molly greeted me with a big cheesy grin and a loud squeal. That made my day. We hung out eating fake Pirate's Booty (Trader Joe's has a much cheaper and just as tasty version) and watched Meet the Parents. I was surprised at how much Molly paid attention to the movie and enjoyed it.
Nothing like a lazy Saturday afternoon with a wiggly 18 month old to put a smile on your face...
I've been meaning to write about something that happened almost a year ago, involving Molly. I almost decided to just keep these events to myself but I decided it was important enough of an event to share.
I use a video monitor in Molly's room. The best place to get a good view of her crib was on the wall, over the head of her crib. The camera itself was quite high, so I never worried about Molly being able to tear it off the wall. The adapter wire to plug in for power was more of a concern to me. I covered the wire with industrial packing tape from under the camera, all the way to the plug in the wall, under the crib. It seemed to be a good installation. Molly never seemed to even notice the camera, nor the wire.
At around 8 months, I noticed that Molly was starting to try to pick at the packing tape but wasn't successful at lifting any part of it. A string of colds ran through the house and I had humidifiers running in the kids' rooms. I think this was the cause for future danger.
I never really paid a whole lot of attention to the video monitor. I used it to make sure that Molly fell asleep for naptime and then used it for sound to make sure she stayed asleep or listened for when she woke and wanted to get out of her crib. There's usually a lot going on in the house, even during naptime, so I normally keep the sound up pretty high. When Molly was around 9 months, I put her down for her nap as usual and came into the livingroom to turn on the monitor. I didn't realize it at the time, but the sound had been turned down. Not much was going on that day, so I ended up sitting on the couch near the monitor, about to watch some tv. I began to notice the lights flashing on the monitor, signaling that there was noise coming from Molly's room. At first I thought it was static, but then I realized that the sound was down. I turned up the volume to hear a lot of scratching noises. I pressed the button to see video in the room but it was blank. I ran down the hall to Molly's room.
When I opened the door to Molly's room I first noticed that she was standing but at an awkward angle. She wasn't making any noise and had a strange expression on her face. I then saw that the wire to the video was completely removed from the wall and WRAPPED AROUND MOLLY'S NECK. I ran to Molly and unwound the wire from her neck. She was scared but her coloring looked OK. She had a bright red line around the front of her neck, but otherwise was OK. I figured that she had been playing with the wire for a little while, and probably just got wound up in it shortly before I came to her room.
I thought that I had been cautious when setting up the video camera, but not enough. The humidifier had steamed the tape to make it much less adhesive. Molly was getting older and more curious. A compilation of events leading to a horrible conclusion. I try not to think about what if's but sometimes it's hard. I can't imagine a day without my Moll Moll.
The video camera is still in Molly's room, but now it's across from her crib with the adapter wire far from her reach, FOREVER.