You find your absolute dream home. Everything you ever wanted in a home, perfect in every way. It is extremely affordable. One problem, it has been confirmed that there is a ghost in the house. It isn't an aggressive ghost, but it does exist. Would you buy the home and live there?
Today Emily asked me where we all come from. How we all began. How did it all start. "Mama, how did we get here? I mean, how is it that we are here? Did we come from nothing? Like there were dinosaurs and then there were people? Where did the people start? Was it just a man? What about the woman?" and so on....
I didn't know what to say. SPEECHLESS. I gave her the God story. She seemed to like this idea and it stopped the questions so I'm happy about that.
Earlier this week Emily told me that she "didn't want to be here anymore". She told me that she wished she never was. That she wanted to be gone forever. I felt a wave of electricity shoot through my body. She said it with such a casual expression. Neither happy, nor sad. I tried to play it cool and let her do all the talking. She changed the subject in time and I was able to exhale and begin breathing again.
I don't know if I'm prepared for the mind that Emily owns.
Sooooo.... Recently I read some hullabaloo about WAHM's and WOHM's. I even saw some video discussing these demographics. Before I knew it my body was tensed in a ball of anger, with me wanting to scream "shutthehellup!" Why? Because you are lame and need to keep your opinions of others to yourself. THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER. An old adage that nobody seems to remember in times of pointing fingers and self righteousness. I'm so tired of people explaining themselves by putting down how others do things. I have many different reasons for doing what I do. I don't want to hear "Well, I did the same thing for such and such amount of time and I remember it was much easier than what I do now." Don't tell me this because time makes people forget the parts that suck. Sometimes I'll reminisce with my husband about one of the apartments we lived in and ask him why we moved and he'll remind me that the heater never worked and our neighbors once almost lit our apartment on fire. Oh yeah.
Do I think my decisions are best for my family? DAMN STRAIGHT. Do I care that other people don't make the same decisions that I make? NO. Do I hate when others cry me a river of how hard their life is and then compare my life as being a cakewalk? YES.
My Day:
I wake up around 6 a.m. and take a shower and put on makeup AND I even do my hair. I do this because I feel like I cannot function until I am presentable. To myself in the mirror. I start to cook breakfast. Usually eggs and toast or pancakes. Sometimes I serve cold cereal. The kids start to wake up. I throw clothes at the 7 year old. I help the 3 year old get dressed and I dress and rediaper the 2 year old. Everyone eats. 7 year old goes to school (daddy walks her). I settle the 2 and 3 year old in front of the tv so I can package and ship any orders that are ready to go out that day. I then start laundry, sweep, generally clean up.
I round up the littles and take them outside to play, take them for a walk or run any errands that need to be run that day. We eat lunch as a family (sans 7 year old). I put the little ones down for their naps and I then have an hour to answer business email. I then pick up 7 year old, make her a snack. The littles start to wake up, give them a snack. Try and keep all three happy while not getting themselves in trouble (this is when I'm most likely saving the 2 year old from herself). Kids all play or fight amongst themselves. I make dinner, we all eat. Bathtime, homework. All in bed at 8. I work until 2 or 3 a.m. and everything starts over the next day.
That is the skeleton of my schedule. What is always in the mix is diapers, and potty training and changing of clothes and meeting all the requests of my kids (thirst, hungry, dirty, fell down, sad, sissy hit me, etc.) There are other things in my face every day like, my 2 year old doesn't talk, my 7 year old is dealing with some major issues and my 3 year old never eats.
So yeah, I work from home and I'm a mom at home. There are a million different reasons why I am home with my kids.
Don't tell me that I need stimulating conversations. I've worked with many adults, very few of them engaged me in any type of conversation that I would describe as "stimulating". I have these conversations with my friends, my family, my husband. Are you going to tell me that when people retire from their jobs their minds shrivel up to a peanut? No! That is absurd. I do not need a job to provide me with "stimulating conversations". That is probably one of the most offensive (to me) comments made about what is lacking in the life of a mother who is home (working or not).
Don't assume that I am at Starbucks. Frankly, I hate Starbucks. I prefer fountain drinks. I'm not at the mall either.
Don't assume that I don't take a shower. I do, somedays twice.
Don't compare me to Mary Poppins. I am not prancing around my house doling out Playdough while singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider. I prefer coloring books and spraying my kids with the hose. I shout, I get mad, I lose my temper. I also can grab my kids and kiss them till they beg to be let go at any hour of the day.
Bottom line. If you think that your life would be easier doing something else. DO IT. Don't point out to others how they "don't know the half of it" when it comes to the burdens of the life you are living. It's offensive and downright annoying.
It's so hard for me to explain why I do what I do. It's sometimes really hard. Sometimes I just want to get away and do NOTHING for a really long time. Not think, not talk, just be, in a quiet fog. BUT, if that wish came true and I had nothing or nobody to need those constant things from me, I would miss out on this...
