Step OFF

Sooooo.... Recently I read some hullabaloo about WAHM's and WOHM's.  I even saw some video discussing these demographics.  Before I knew it my body was tensed in a ball of anger, with me wanting to scream "shutthehellup!"  Why?  Because you are lame and need to keep your opinions of others to yourself.  THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER.  An old adage that nobody seems to remember in times of pointing fingers and self righteousness.  I'm so tired of people explaining themselves by putting down how others do things.  I have many different reasons for doing what I do.  I don't want to hear "Well, I did the same thing for such and such amount of time and I remember it was much easier than what I do now."  Don't tell me this because time makes people forget the parts that suck.  Sometimes I'll reminisce with my husband about one of the apartments we lived in and ask him why we moved and he'll remind me that the heater never worked and our neighbors once almost lit our apartment on fire.  Oh yeah.

Do I think my decisions are best for my family?  DAMN STRAIGHT.  Do I care that other people don't make the same decisions that I make?  NO.  Do I hate when others cry me a river of how hard their life is and then compare my life as being a cakewalk?  YES.

My Day:

I wake up around 6 a.m. and take a shower and put on makeup AND I even do my hair.  I do this because I feel like I cannot function until I am presentable.  To myself in the mirror.  I start to cook breakfast.  Usually eggs and toast or pancakes.  Sometimes I serve cold cereal.  The kids start to wake up.  I throw clothes at the 7 year old.  I help the 3 year old get dressed and I dress and rediaper the 2 year old.  Everyone eats.  7 year old goes to school (daddy walks her).  I settle the 2 and 3 year old in front of the tv so I can package and ship any orders that are ready to go out that day.  I then start laundry, sweep, generally clean up.

I round up the littles and take them outside to play, take them for a walk or run any errands that need to be run that day.  We eat lunch as a family (sans 7 year old).  I put the little ones down for their naps and I then have an hour to answer business email.  I then pick up 7 year old, make her a snack.  The littles start to wake up, give them a snack.  Try and keep all three happy while not getting themselves in trouble (this is when I'm most likely saving the 2 year old from herself).  Kids all play or fight amongst themselves.  I make dinner, we all eat.  Bathtime, homework.  All in bed at 8.  I work until 2 or 3 a.m. and everything starts over the next day.

That is the skeleton of my schedule.  What is always in the mix is diapers, and potty training and changing of clothes and meeting all the requests of my kids (thirst, hungry, dirty, fell down, sad, sissy hit me, etc.)  There are other things in my face every day like, my 2 year old doesn't talk, my 7 year old is dealing with some major issues and my 3 year old never eats.

So yeah, I work from home and I'm a mom at home.  There are a million different reasons why I am home with my kids. 

Don't tell me that I need stimulating conversations.  I've worked with many adults, very few of them engaged me in any type of conversation that I would describe as "stimulating".  I have these conversations with my friends, my family, my husband.  Are you going to tell me that when people retire from their jobs their minds shrivel up to a peanut?  No!  That is absurd.  I do not need a job to provide me with "stimulating conversations".  That is probably one of the most offensive (to me) comments made about what is lacking in the life of a mother who is home (working or not). 

Don't assume that I am at Starbucks.  Frankly, I hate Starbucks.  I prefer fountain drinks.  I'm not at the mall either.

Don't assume that I don't take a shower.  I do, somedays twice.

Don't compare me to Mary Poppins.  I am not prancing around my house doling out Playdough while singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider.  I prefer coloring books and spraying my kids with the hose.  I shout, I get mad, I lose my temper.  I also can grab my kids and kiss them till they beg to be let go at any hour of the day.

Bottom line.  If you think that your life would be easier doing something else.  DO IT.  Don't point out to others how they "don't know the half of it" when it comes to the burdens of the life you are living.  It's offensive and downright annoying.

It's so hard for me to explain why I do what I do.  It's sometimes really hard.  Sometimes I just want to get away and do NOTHING for a really long time.  Not think, not talk, just be, in a quiet fog.  BUT, if that wish came true and I had nothing or nobody to need those constant things from me, I would miss out on this...

and how very sad that would be...

Comments

[Angella]

AMEN, sister.

Maybe I'll get off my duff and post something too...

[bethany actually]

Yes!!! I actually just read this out loud to Troy because I liked it so much.

My 91-year-old Gramma asked me the other day what I do with myself all day. "Take care of Annalie and the house," I replied with a smile.

"Oh, don't give me that, I had FIVE kids!" my Gramma said, laughing, "And I know they're not THAT much work! How do you keep yourself busy?"

Gritting my teeth, hoping my smile wasn't too forced, I said, "Well, I must not be as good at raising kids as you were, because she keeps me pretty busy, Gramma."

I'm kind of amazed my head didn't explode, quite frankly. But I'm glad it didn't, because I love my Gramma and would have hated to injure her in the explosion. And I guess age does give you somewhat of a pass on saying dumb things from time to time, no? :-)

[Jennifer]

OMG girl. You go!!! I too have been pondering this topic. Maybe I will post as well. Can I link to you?

[Ninotchka]

I LOVE YOU.

[Carmajo]

Enough said....The Grass is NEVER greener on the other side! I tried staying home and I will be honest I thought it was harder. I have the best of both worlds now...part-time work for the moment being. This part-time job is probably going to vanish so I better enjoy my time.

[Teri]

I wandered over here from Angella's blog.

This is an awesome post! I don't have kids, but I think the whole debate is stupid. How about every family figure out what works best for them, and not worry about what every other family does? (Note to my friends with kids: Use this same principle regarding childbearing, specifically my lack thereof!)

[Gigi]

So how did your trip to the East Coast go? (Sounds like it might be time to change the subject before someone gets hurt!)

[Gigi]

J/K -- I know that it hasn't happened yet. Maybe it's time to move up your trip, though...get a break from whatever it is that's got you so angry!

[Taryn]

I love this post Jennifer! I am sympathetic to both sides because I work at home full-time and take care of Emily and I've also been single for 2.5 years. I feel like I've been through the ringer, but yet I feel blessed beyond measure that I am able to work at home. Try not to let people bother you. You are doing a fabulous job and no one can say any different. Each family should find the dynamic that works for them and that's all that should matter. What works for some won't work for others. Hold your head high and be proud!

[Pam]

As a WOHM, I have to say coming into work is WAAAAYYYYYYY easier than staying at home all day. I must admit though, it's pretty easy to forget that when I'm stressed at work. I really hate how this topic divides mothers. I work and send my son to daycare b/c it's what I need to do and it works best for my family. I would NEVER look down on a SAHM or a WAHM. You would think in 2009 this wouldn't be such a hot debate.
I still think Carter & Audrey were separated at birth, they have so many similar issues. Carter never eats either! He doesn't eat at home or school. I almost fell over when they weighed him at his MRI and he has gained 6 pounds since March. Maybe he eats rocks?