We made it to Emily's doctor yesterday evening. It was a difficult task, but we made it. Emily sat in the back seat of the van clutching a bucket, afraid she was going to throw up most of the way there. It has become very apparent that Emily is suffering from frequent panic attacks. One minute she can be busy doing something, in a pleasant mood. The next minute she is running to the bathroom, hunched over the toilet, convinced that she is going to throw up.
In the past three weeks I have seen my child sit on the couch for hours afraid to move, refuse to go on fun outings for fear of vomiting in the car, tell me that she won't be able to participate in Halloween this year, cry herself to sleep, go to bed with a bucket next to her pillow in case she vomits, refuse all food and exist on 4 pretzels a day, cry profusely while walking into her classroom, wake up in the middle of the night because she thinks she needs to vomit, the list goes on and on. Anxiety is not funny. It's cruel, it's scary and it's painful to witness. I hate it.
Yesterday Emily's doctor confirmed that we need to up her Zoloft dose and it should take about 6 weeks to take full effect. I think my eyes boggled out of my head for a moment because very quickly the doctor offered another prescription for an additional med to get us through these 6 weeks. Children cannot take valium or xanax. Most times it has an opposite effect on children. It wires them up. Instead, the child version of xanax is a blood pressure medication. This medicine is also used to calm the nerves of people with performance anxiety. It has a calming effect while not affecting muscle control or causing tiredness.
Emily went to school fairly well this morning. I filled the prescription this afternoon. I'm not sure if we will need it or not. The episodes come on so quickly, it's really hard to predict. I am glad that we're still dealing with the same issue. The doctor seemed very confident that we are still dealing with OCD, Anxiety and Depression. I know these issues by now, they are familiar to me. Maybe too familiar. I'm finding myself easily offended by people who find these issues funny. People who make references to others needing to "up their meds". Pushing the buttons of others who are dealing with phobias or fears. Especially when dealing with children. I hate teasing in general, but this added knowledge I carry around makes me loathe it even more. I think this is something that I need to work through because I don't normally reacte very strongly to most things. On the other hand, sometimes I feel like maybe people need to be schooled of their ignorance. Ignorance from people who should know better astounds me.